Dear
Auntie Belle,
My therapist says I shouldn't read your column. Also, he has increased my medication. He assures me that the Amish are NOT out to get me, and probably don't even know I exist. Furthermore, he claims you are an "intolerant old bag filled with hate and Greek yogurt who wouldn't know a churn from a Chinaman." He says reading your advice has set me back three years---and I've only been seeing him for two months!
My therapist says I shouldn't read your column. Also, he has increased my medication. He assures me that the Amish are NOT out to get me, and probably don't even know I exist. Furthermore, he claims you are an "intolerant old bag filled with hate and Greek yogurt who wouldn't know a churn from a Chinaman." He says reading your advice has set me back three years---and I've only been seeing him for two months!
I'd
like to know what you have to say about this, but since I've been
advised to avoid further contact with you I'll guess I'll never
know...
Sins
of Amish'n
Dear Sins,
Now you've offended the Greeks. What next? The Hutterites? The Poles? The Boy Scouts of America? Your therapist is a quack, an idolator and a Philistine! I will await the inevitable. I can hear it now: 'Unleash the lawyers!' Nancy Grace will be savoring every one of your dark secrets as she accuses your closest friends, neighbors, family members and the clerk at the local IGA of your murder. As for me, I will sip my cocoa and smile a knowing smile.
By the way, your therapist inadvertently insulted the Amish by intimating they aren't all that…smart. His career will come to an abrupt end. All they'll find are…a few road apples.
He should be paranoid of the Greeks and start eating Amish Yogurt!
ReplyDeleteAmish cow milk and goat milk are both contaminated with…human proteins. I have that on good authority.
ReplyDelete