Dear
Belle,
I woke up this morning, a little hung over and found my wife had kicked me down a flight of stairs and she had locked the door. I can hear her cavorting upstairs with that Matt Lauer. Boy he talks a lot during sex. He even brought Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb to do color commentary while they watch.
My arm is broken in three places, I am hungry, and all of our fallout shelter supplies are canned (mostly beans) and I don't have a can opener.
How do I get her to open the door. I already tried threats, but she is stronger than me. She used to be a wrestler on OWWCh.
I woke up this morning, a little hung over and found my wife had kicked me down a flight of stairs and she had locked the door. I can hear her cavorting upstairs with that Matt Lauer. Boy he talks a lot during sex. He even brought Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb to do color commentary while they watch.
My arm is broken in three places, I am hungry, and all of our fallout shelter supplies are canned (mostly beans) and I don't have a can opener.
How do I get her to open the door. I already tried threats, but she is stronger than me. She used to be a wrestler on OWWCh.
Mr.
Portly (aka: Had It Done To)
Dear
Mr. Portly,
The
sounds you are hearing are the television blasting to cover the
sounds of your screaming for help and the sounds of your in-laws
moving everything out of your home. Yes, even your pride and joy -
that end stand/beer refrigerator you loved so much. Having a can
opener would only delay the inevitable, so your wife still does have
some charity in her heart for you - because of that time you were
nice to her. Meanwhile, rest, Mr. Portly; rest in peace.
Shame on you, Portly---Savannah Guthrie would NEVER participate in anything unseemly. I mean, she buys her vintage cotton panties at the Goodwill store, for cripes sake! Hoda, on the other hand, is up for anything---even sex with your neighbor's collie. Incidentally, she could also open those beans for you...
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