His True Love

Dear Auntie Belle,

I've been having an affair with a man, we'll call him George Stephanoupolous who has this… wife he calls, Jillybean. He sleeps on the couch and she doesn't understand him. This is not your ordinary situation like I've seen in letters to you in the past or in our town, Fargo, MN! He loves me! So, what I want to know is this: I want to buy him a new sleep sofa, and I want to have it delivered to his house at 780 N. Maple Street. What color should I buy so it would go with their decor?

Thank you,

His True Love

Dear His,

White. The blood stains will show better in the evidence photos. 

Auntie Belle

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Worried Spouse