Dear Auntie Belle,
I was watching Pope Francis wash a man's feet on TV a few months ago and was suddenly beset by impure thoughts. Also, I caught myself wishing the Pope's robe would ride a little higher so I could catch a glimpse of his shiny red bloomers. I got so excited by this thought that I immediately needed to take a cold shower!
Fortunately, I have a Pope on a Rope, and as I curled on the bathtub-floor weeping, getting pelted with an icy torrent, I whispered, and confessed all of my most naughty, delicious secrets to my soapy little Popey.
Question: How do I convince the Pope to come to Muncie and give me a pedicure? And do you think he'd let me shoot some footage of him using a Thigh Master™?
I was watching Pope Francis wash a man's feet on TV a few months ago and was suddenly beset by impure thoughts. Also, I caught myself wishing the Pope's robe would ride a little higher so I could catch a glimpse of his shiny red bloomers. I got so excited by this thought that I immediately needed to take a cold shower!
Fortunately, I have a Pope on a Rope, and as I curled on the bathtub-floor weeping, getting pelted with an icy torrent, I whispered, and confessed all of my most naughty, delicious secrets to my soapy little Popey.
Question: How do I convince the Pope to come to Muncie and give me a pedicure? And do you think he'd let me shoot some footage of him using a Thigh Master™?
Indisposed in Indiana
Dear Indisposed,
I took the liberty of forwarding your letter to my contacts at the Vatican. I'm pleased to inform you the Pope will be making an appearance in Muncie sometime in the Spring. He has agreed, furthermore, to a having private three-minute session with you on condition you do not mention Thigh Master™ nor clap your legs together as though you are using one. He did not mention the pedicure nor the photo shoot of his briefs, so my guess is there's not a chance. You can't exactly ask the Pope to 'drop trou', without some form of awkwardness...
No comments:
Post a Comment