Sins of Amish'n

Dear Auntie Belle, 

I was severely insulted by an Amish farmhand while on a recent vacation in Ohio. His hurtful words were so distressing, in fact, that I found myself floundering---unable to think of an appropriate riposte.

I have since thought-up a real zinger---one I'm sure would devastate that corn-shucking bastard, but since he's five-hundred miles away and I'll probably never see him again the victory seems hollow.

My predicament:

As luck would have it there is also small Amish community in my home town, and I see their buggies pass my house several times a day. They never used to bother me, but now I sense them laughing and pointing at me. I suspect they may have caught-wind of my humiliation at the hands of one of their own...

Is there some kind of an Amish "grapevine?" Do the Amish use telephones? Could I possibly use my zinger on them? Would it filter back to the guy in Ohio? Should I kill one of their chickens?

Please----any advice will be appreciated.

Sins of Amish'n

Dear Sins,

You say they are driving past your house… It's already too late. Don't contact me again, regarding this matter; I'm afraid the horse is…out of the barn…and its hooves are muffled.

PS to Sins:

Jimmy Hoffa once swore at an Amish man; Amelia Earhart once flew too low over an Amish farm & frightened several horses and 14 children. Agatha Christie personally explained to me all about that time she disappeared. Although I can not divulge the details, it involved a chicken owned by the Abraham Miller Family. I'd advise you to make no farther mention of the Amish, although I fear the contract has already been nailed to the inside wall of numerous barns.

Auntie Belle

 

Next:

Sins of Amish'n (Again)