Dear Auntie Belle,
My neighbor smokes incessantly. I gather up his cigarette butts from his yard, my yard, the road and even from down next to the creek over by the firehouse. He leaves them everywhere!
So I use these cigarette filters for a variety of purposes. I oil the metal holes that hold my shoe laces on with them, I use three or four filters in each ear as ear plugs when I sleep; I clean my guns with them and wrapped in a hair net they keep leaves out of my rain gutters. I also make sculptures of topology maps out of them, and I can mix them with solvents and make a variety of plastics from soft to very hard. They can even be made into a polish that I use for rust-proofing steel!
My neighbor thinks I'm a loon and he has started hanging onto his cigarette butts, even turning them in to the recycling center (who won't let me have them.) He says I ought to get a life, but I had a life until he cut off my lifeline -- made out of his butts!
No one else in my immediate vicinity smokes. And I can't start because I am kosher and cigarette filters are made out if pork products. Please please help me convince my neighbor to be a slob again.
PS: did you know that more than 2000 products are made out of pigs, from shampoo to bullets, wine corks, beer? insulin and collagen injections, glue, paint, shoe leather, bread; and that pig skins are used as sports equipment, to test chemical weapons, to practice tattooing and as deep fried dog chews?
Dear Smokey,
So you circumcise filtered cigarette butts? Your neighbor has something you want; perhaps you have something he wants?
PS You forgot the most important pig product - bacon.
Indelible Dilemma
My neighbor smokes incessantly. I gather up his cigarette butts from his yard, my yard, the road and even from down next to the creek over by the firehouse. He leaves them everywhere!
So I use these cigarette filters for a variety of purposes. I oil the metal holes that hold my shoe laces on with them, I use three or four filters in each ear as ear plugs when I sleep; I clean my guns with them and wrapped in a hair net they keep leaves out of my rain gutters. I also make sculptures of topology maps out of them, and I can mix them with solvents and make a variety of plastics from soft to very hard. They can even be made into a polish that I use for rust-proofing steel!
My neighbor thinks I'm a loon and he has started hanging onto his cigarette butts, even turning them in to the recycling center (who won't let me have them.) He says I ought to get a life, but I had a life until he cut off my lifeline -- made out of his butts!
No one else in my immediate vicinity smokes. And I can't start because I am kosher and cigarette filters are made out if pork products. Please please help me convince my neighbor to be a slob again.
Smokey the Mohel
PS: did you know that more than 2000 products are made out of pigs, from shampoo to bullets, wine corks, beer? insulin and collagen injections, glue, paint, shoe leather, bread; and that pig skins are used as sports equipment, to test chemical weapons, to practice tattooing and as deep fried dog chews?
Dear Smokey,
So you circumcise filtered cigarette butts? Your neighbor has something you want; perhaps you have something he wants?
PS You forgot the most important pig product - bacon.
Auntie Belle
Next: Indelible Dilemma
No comments:
Post a Comment