Dear Auntie,
We love you down here in Australia. Just wanted to let you know. You are the talk of the town here in Adelaide and I almost fell in the river laughing at your answer to Devastated in Des Moines, as a lot of our local girls are gingers and could use with the odd head covering or birqa (or maybe just never to leave the house.)
Adelaide loves comedy and we sure think you are funny. And some of us were wondering; in all your adventures and travels, did you ever make it down under to see the greatest place in the known world, Australia?
Dear Mum's Not a Sheila,
So long as the world is full of leg-shooting rednecks, I'll have plenty of fodder for this column. As to your question, why, yes, I actually lived in Australia some years ago. I met an Aborigine tribe, participated in a ceremony, which I believed was an initiation. Turned out I married one of them. I was stunned when I realized what had happened, but he was one of the best lovers I've ever had. I did not care for his penchant for eating larva though; it gave his breath an odd odor.
Sam, as I called him, since I was unable to pronounce his Aboriginal name, kept a close watch on me having realized I was an unwilling bride. I escaped by giving him a marathon love-making session which left him too weakened to stand or even cry an alarm. I looked back, as I sprinted across the barren Outback to see his hand reaching for me and his tears glinting in the moonlight.
I taught Sam a few tricks along the way and learned a couple from him, as well. Two of my subsequent husbands begged for some Aboriginal-style love-making, but I held off until I was tired of them. (I instinctively knew pale, white men would never survive it.) May they both rest in peace.
Now I'm homesick for Australia; think I'll stop by when I'm finished with those Greeks - I mean, after I visit Greece.
We love you down here in Australia. Just wanted to let you know. You are the talk of the town here in Adelaide and I almost fell in the river laughing at your answer to Devastated in Des Moines, as a lot of our local girls are gingers and could use with the odd head covering or birqa (or maybe just never to leave the house.)
Adelaide loves comedy and we sure think you are funny. And some of us were wondering; in all your adventures and travels, did you ever make it down under to see the greatest place in the known world, Australia?
My Mum's Not a Sheila
Dear Mum's Not a Sheila,
So long as the world is full of leg-shooting rednecks, I'll have plenty of fodder for this column. As to your question, why, yes, I actually lived in Australia some years ago. I met an Aborigine tribe, participated in a ceremony, which I believed was an initiation. Turned out I married one of them. I was stunned when I realized what had happened, but he was one of the best lovers I've ever had. I did not care for his penchant for eating larva though; it gave his breath an odd odor.
Sam, as I called him, since I was unable to pronounce his Aboriginal name, kept a close watch on me having realized I was an unwilling bride. I escaped by giving him a marathon love-making session which left him too weakened to stand or even cry an alarm. I looked back, as I sprinted across the barren Outback to see his hand reaching for me and his tears glinting in the moonlight.
I taught Sam a few tricks along the way and learned a couple from him, as well. Two of my subsequent husbands begged for some Aboriginal-style love-making, but I held off until I was tired of them. (I instinctively knew pale, white men would never survive it.) May they both rest in peace.
Now I'm homesick for Australia; think I'll stop by when I'm finished with those Greeks - I mean, after I visit Greece.
No comments:
Post a Comment