Ask Auntie Belle M.: Past My Sell-By Date

Shooting clay pigeons and drinking Old Crow at 140+ years, born in backwoods Buckshot County, KY, raising hell & great-grand-chilluns before we were born. With a small column in a paper in Lake Sprang, WY, she came to notoriety when her mail was sent to the White House by mistake. The administration could not answer these hapless people’s questions, so they sent them back to her. Flirty, intelligent, annoyingly candid; read her once and you won’t get her out of your mind. Here's Belle!

Monday, March 10, 2014

Past My Sell-By Date

Dear Auntie Belle,

My car won't start, my egg timer is running fast and my pasta won't al dente. I need a reason to go on, and don't say buy argyle socks like you did that crazy guy. I am not crazy!

Past My Sell-By Date

Dear Past,

I hear the Kardasians will be vacationing in the Bahamas! As a treat, they are doing a one-hour special so viewers may vacation vicariously through them. You can look forward to that! But Kanye is awash with doubts; he may actually leave the country because of all the racism! Now don't all your problems seem trivial?

Auntie Belle

Anon.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Past My Sell-By Date

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