Dear Auntie Belle,
I have 27 catsicles in my freezer. The cops want to take away my remaining 75 kitties. the house smells like the Pine Sol lady threw up everywhere. Do you think I can sell my frozen cats to a science lab somewhere that'll pay me enough to bribe these cops?
I tried offering my body, but I can't find my teeth, and they seem to have an aversion to women with no teeth. It's the strangest thing. Still anything you can suggest to get these cops off my back (or on it,) would be appreciated.
Categorical Denial in Saskatoon
Dear Categorical,
I've heard of crazy cat ladies, even known a couple in my life, but you are six feet away from being Eddie Gein. The cops are likely not so disgusted by your barren gums as they are by the aroma of Eau de Litter Box that has permeated your disgusting flesh. Go away, leave me alone, scat; not even Auntie Belle could solve your problems (or get near enough to try).
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